by Yanfei Lan
A few months ago, I published an article titled “Canadian Politeness” on my personal social media account. It was nothing more than a casual rant about some unpleasant personal experiences, but to my surprise, it sparked widespread attention and discussion. In a short time, the article garnered over 50,000 views and was shared thousands of times. Many Chinese people living in Canada resonated deeply with my words, while others had different perspectives, saying their experiences didn’t align with mine.
As someone who had never lived in Canada before, I moved with my children to Nova Scotia in 2023, embarking on a new chapter of life. I felt immensely grateful to have met many kind-hearted Canadians who helped us navigate countless challenges, adapt quickly, and gradually find our rhythm in this new environment. However, after a year of living here, as my exposure to society deepened, I also began encountering situations and individuals that weren’t as pleasant.
That’s what led me to write that article—a candid reflection on my job-hunting experiences, many of which left me frustrated. I noticed a stark contrast between what I encountered in Canada and what I was used to in China. Back in China, people aren’t always polite, but at least they’re straightforward. They express their emotions openly and don’t excel at masking their true thoughts. Often, you can tell right away whether something is possible or hopeless based on their attitude. But in Canada, I noticed a different phenomenon: some people, even when they have no real intention of helping you, still maintain an air of politeness. Their words and demeanour can create the illusion that they genuinely care, leading you to invest time and effort in further communication—only to eventually realize they were just being superficially courteous. That’s when disappointment sets in. As the Chinese saying goes,“The greater the hope, the greater the disappointment.” This kind of politeness was, in a way, a form of culture shock for me.
For newcomers unfamiliar with Canadian culture, even the smallest gestures of kindness can inspire immense hope, especially for those who have faced repeated setbacks in their home country. When they arrive in a nation renowned for its friendliness, they naturally develop high expectations, almost believing they’ve stepped into a utopia. But the reality is far more complex. Every society has its intricacies. I understand that most new immigrants, after their initial honeymoon phase, eventually face the challenges of real life—a universal experience, no matter where one moves. This is also why travelling brings us joy: when we travel, we don’t have to engage deeply with a place’s long-standing issues. We simply enjoy the beautiful scenery and brief, pleasant interactions.
Of course, the responsibility to understand a culture lies with the newcomer. It’s never an easy process; it requires time, observation, and experience. My article was a raw expression of my feelings during a difficult time. Since I didn’t fully grasp the nuances of this phenomenon yet, I merely described what I observed and shared my personal perspective—never expecting it to ignite the fury of a Canadian reader.
One day, I received a comment from a Canadian on my social media account. According to his IP address, he was currently living in Guangzhou, China. He was outraged by my article, claiming that either the translation was flawed, or I was outright lying. Canadians have a strong sense of national pride, and he simply couldn’t tolerate me saying anything critical about Canada. He challenged me, “How would you feel if I spoke badly about your country?”
I responded, “You are absolutely free to do so. Your experiences and feelings are real, and everyone has the right to express their perspective.”
Opinions are not absolute truths. My article conveyed my viewpoint, just as others may interpret the same experiences differently. Our understanding is shaped by personal perception.
This incident reminded me of my past experiences writing commentary in China. As a former journalist, I often focused on social issues and wasn’t afraid to critique them. I’ve never been one to sugarcoat things; in fact, I prefer speaking uncomfortable truths. Naturally, this led to criticism from different sides. Some people ignored the real problems I pointed out and instead lashed out at me, saying, “You just can’t stand to see this country doing well.”
I would always respond sincerely: “On the contrary, it’s because I love this country that I refuse to ignore its flaws.” When I see something wrong, I can’t turn a blind eye or sing empty praises—I feel compelled to speak up.
If criticism is not allowed, then praise is meaningless. This is a truth we have long understood.
I had assumed that after moving to Canada, I would gain the freedom to critique as I wished. Yet ironically, my critical piece—published in Canada—ended up angering a Canadian living in China.
I sincerely apologized to him, but I also wanted him to understand that I now live on this land. I love Canada’s breathtaking landscapes, its vast coastlines, and most of the wonderful people I’ve met here. I genuinely appreciate everything this country has to offer. I chose to be here, and I hope Canada continues to grow and improve. But I will never believe that a country becomes better simply by speaking well of it.